Brandi C, Brandi Cunningham, Brandi Cum-in-ham, One Half of Brain/Barbie Twins
Our Bio:
Oh Brandi C...we knew immediately you were special, and not special in a cool unique way, special in a retarded way. Like Steven Seagal's Japanese energy drink commercials are special....THEY AREN'T...they're just stupid and everyone's done them.
You swept on to Rock of Love as a very entertaining wife, despite our best efforts. From the first night you not only made a best friend out of a stranger (Kristia), you also made an imaginary boyfriend out of Bret Michaels. He avoided you all night despite your best efforts...kudos bret.
However, you did eventually get his attention. Despite hundreds of knock-backs, you still pursued him. You didn't think "oh, i'm too good for this" or "maybe he can come to me", you thought "i'll go grab my slutty slutty pink bikini and get his attention that way". And of course it worked. Bret was majorly "turned on"...a difficult occumplishment.
Hands down Brandi's best moment was her fight with Erin: Erin had just won a date with Bret by proving she can moan down the phone (rhymes). Although this is the entire purpose of being on the show, Brandi still felt entitled to get pissed off with Erin. The conversation went something (emphasis on the something) like this:
(Please read this aloud in a high-pitched, disgusting, annoying voice)
BRANDI: I just want to kick you
ERIN: I'm sorry, what?
BRANDI: I'm sorry, I'm just jealous of your date! Sue me!
ERIN: You just said you want to KICK me!
BRANDI: I said KISS! You're so stupid!
ERIN: I'm stupid? Oh honey please, look in the mirror. Everything you say sounds stupid!
BRANDI: Me? At least I don't have circus titties! I'm hot!
ERIN: Maybe in the meth world. With your meth scratched face!
BRANDI: Meth scratched? Oh, that's really funny! Cause I was like, in a car wreck!
TEN MINUTES LATER.....IN BRET'S ROOM/BROTHEL
BRANDI: She made fun of my disability! She made fun of my car wreck!
Okay, so point of this story is that Brandi really is one of the stupidest, most immature people on VH1 yet. We COMPLETELY think there's no way Erin could have known about Brandi's "car wreck", they'd only known each other for a bloody day! Hardly best friends...that's Kristia....soon to be Megan on I Love Money.
Brandi was eventually eliminated due to being too "young in the soul"....go Bret.
Brandi also comes under the infamous: DO NOT EVER GOOGLE WITHOUT SAFE SEARCH ON! Seriously, it's disturbing. There's better porn.....even weirder than her doing porn, is that the pictures really don't even look that much like her. It's bazzaar. Her features just look different....slightly wonked. Like her uterus. Like her dignity. Like she's been up Wonka's chocolate river tube...no this isn't Flavor of love, this is Rock of Love. We'll stop now. It could be surgery, but wethinks not. She's just weird looking.
Post Rock of Love, Brandi was good on I Love Money, especially when she called PUmkin fat for no reason. Kudos. She also became best friends with Megan...clearly skanned her and said "blonde: check, stupid: check, shallow: check"
ACTUAL BIO
CUMMING SPOON!
Oh Brandi C...we knew immediately you were special, and not special in a cool unique way, special in a retarded way. Like Steven Seagal's Japanese energy drink commercials are special....THEY AREN'T...they're just stupid and everyone's done them.
You swept on to Rock of Love as a very entertaining wife, despite our best efforts. From the first night you not only made a best friend out of a stranger (Kristia), you also made an imaginary boyfriend out of Bret Michaels. He avoided you all night despite your best efforts...kudos bret.
However, you did eventually get his attention. Despite hundreds of knock-backs, you still pursued him. You didn't think "oh, i'm too good for this" or "maybe he can come to me", you thought "i'll go grab my slutty slutty pink bikini and get his attention that way". And of course it worked. Bret was majorly "turned on"...a difficult occumplishment.
Hands down Brandi's best moment was her fight with Erin: Erin had just won a date with Bret by proving she can moan down the phone (rhymes). Although this is the entire purpose of being on the show, Brandi still felt entitled to get pissed off with Erin. The conversation went something (emphasis on the something) like this:
(Please read this aloud in a high-pitched, disgusting, annoying voice)
BRANDI: I just want to kick you
ERIN: I'm sorry, what?
BRANDI: I'm sorry, I'm just jealous of your date! Sue me!
ERIN: You just said you want to KICK me!
BRANDI: I said KISS! You're so stupid!
ERIN: I'm stupid? Oh honey please, look in the mirror. Everything you say sounds stupid!
BRANDI: Me? At least I don't have circus titties! I'm hot!
ERIN: Maybe in the meth world. With your meth scratched face!
BRANDI: Meth scratched? Oh, that's really funny! Cause I was like, in a car wreck!
TEN MINUTES LATER.....IN BRET'S ROOM/BROTHEL
BRANDI: She made fun of my disability! She made fun of my car wreck!
Okay, so point of this story is that Brandi really is one of the stupidest, most immature people on VH1 yet. We COMPLETELY think there's no way Erin could have known about Brandi's "car wreck", they'd only known each other for a bloody day! Hardly best friends...that's Kristia....soon to be Megan on I Love Money.
Brandi was eventually eliminated due to being too "young in the soul"....go Bret.
Brandi also comes under the infamous: DO NOT EVER GOOGLE WITHOUT SAFE SEARCH ON! Seriously, it's disturbing. There's better porn.....even weirder than her doing porn, is that the pictures really don't even look that much like her. It's bazzaar. Her features just look different....slightly wonked. Like her uterus. Like her dignity. Like she's been up Wonka's chocolate river tube...no this isn't Flavor of love, this is Rock of Love. We'll stop now. It could be surgery, but wethinks not. She's just weird looking.
Post Rock of Love, Brandi was good on I Love Money, especially when she called PUmkin fat for no reason. Kudos. She also became best friends with Megan...clearly skanned her and said "blonde: check, stupid: check, shallow: check"
ACTUAL BIO
CUMMING SPOON!
